all things new...

The Lord has been working remarkable things in our family. Excuse me, let me rephrase that. In my eyes, the Lord is working remarkable things in our family. I've heard people say that before and reveal that the Lord did some incredible miracle that left me saying, "Wow! that is really amazing!" But I also believe that God works in mundane ways, too. Much like his "still, small voice" that speaks to our hearts, He works in small, simple ways. For us, those small, simple ways are shaking us out of our self-made rut and creating no little stir in our lives. Let me share:

With the addition of Ezekiel (Peters number four), we experienced much struggle mingled with our delight. While the girls dearly love their baby brother, they showed that they were struggling to adjust to their revamped position in our family. I can't say any one girl was displaying anxiety or acting out more than the rest - it was all spread out pretty evenly. Even I was struggling with some postpartum depression, anxiety at being mommy to four children ages 5 and under, and just an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. I've cried lots, "dumped" much frustration on my loving husband, and vented too often on my girls. My words haven't been as kind as they should; I've raised my voice at them and then turned around and chewed them out for shouting! Seems a little backward! I felt that I was in a downward spiral, taking my children with me. My heart ached and I hated my sinful anger. I know the Lord was using that "still, small voice" to speak volumes to my heart. Through special passages of scripture, the wisdom of A.W. Tozer, a book by the Duggar family, and some very special friends (my dear husband most of all), the Lord reminded me that He had already given me a new heart and destroyed the old self. He reminded me that if I was willing to release all my struggle and old sins and praise Him in this hard time, He would carry it all and provide my every need. It's not been easy, but I've learned that sometimes the Lord does major surgery on our hearts, and sometimes He chooses to skip the anesthetic.

The last six weeks have been incredibly fast and yet so painfully long. But glimpses of God's glory shine through. My children are learning that they are loved and valued by a faithful heavenly Father, and loved and cherished deeply by Matthew and me. They are learning new lessons about loving God and loving each other, just as I am learning new lessons about God's love for me.
We've made amazing progress in how we function as a family, slowly finding a new routine and learning to sometimes ditch the routine and simply enjoy each other.

One other incredible thing I've learned to do in the last few days has opened wide my heart to knowing the Lord like I know my husband or my children. It may seem trivial or foolish to some, but like I said, this one thing has opened wide the floodgates of heaven for me. What is this amazing thing? I've learned to tell my Lord Jesus "I love you." To tell him as I tell it to my husband or my children or my beloved family in Iowa. In a most supernatural way, I've sensed a greater reality to my relationship to my God.