what I know now... a tribute to my mom

Some days it's silly giggles and shouting boys.  On other days it's a bombardment of sibling squabbles and whining that is more irritating that nails on the proverbial chalkboard. 
I've seen all variety of illness, it's many different colors and styles.  I've cleaned bloodied knees, picking out sand and asphalt.  Bandages are administered regularly, as well as the magical, healing kisses that God has endowed mothers with.

I've been rescued by the loving arms of my husband when all seems lost - his gentle reminders of God's forever faithfulness like gentle mist in a searing desert.
I've also lobbed my share of verbal grenades at that same man, frustrated that he doesn't understand so many things about his wife, his girls, and how a person can actually be lonely with five little people in perpetual motion.  Mom to son or daughter discussions are much different than those between husband and wife or adult to adult.

The joys are often mingled with the sad times.  Times of rest and ease are typically chased by those gritty, difficult seasons.  Seems to bear the scent of the wine-vinegar that was offered to Jesus.  While he did that deadly, sacrificial work, a taste of what was good was overwhelmed by what was bitter. 

But if we remember well, "his mercies are new every morning.  GREAT IS HIS FAITHFULNESS!"  On a morning, just three days after the bitterness and sacrifice, HE ROSE UP!  Joy returned for our Redeemer was Victor over the grave. 

He is victor over all I am as a mom.  The slurry of joy and sorrow, energy and weariness, hope and frustration is what My Lord is more than able to manage.

My mom, Sheri, knows these things.  She has come through these same things.  Loneliness as a farmer's wife and mom to six children.  The tough years of "just makin' ends meet" and filling a home with joy.

I remember that Mom sang often.  I thought she just enjoyed singing and wanted to practice.  What I know now is that Jesus gave her joy to sing, even when things were hard and it may not make much sense to sing.

I heard her and Dad argue - but they always loved one another.  And it wasn't long before I'd spy Dad in the kitchen with his arms wrapped around Mom, giving her a kiss.  I know now that that kind of love and reconciliation comes by greater grace than I own and a deep and abiding Love that my husband and I share.

I remember the winter at home in Iowa that the gas tank ran out.  The house got cold, but Mom had her tall hurricane lanterns lit and we were together and it was an Arctic adventure to me.  I know now that it's easy to feel a sense of failure because an essential to life had run dry.  But I also am now learning that when the Lord is the essential to life, desperate times call for falling back into His arms.

Mom was always the best cheerleader.  Standing at the bat or freethrow line or sitting on the bench, I could always pick out the voices of Mom and Dad from the crowd.  Now I know that sometimes you have to cheer even when the game is looking lost.  AND I know now that the sweaty laundry can be kinda gross.

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important that himself; do not merely look out for your own interests, but also for the interests of others." ~Philippians 2:3-5

I know now that my mom lived with her eye to others.  I know now that she likely went to war with self-pity and loneliness and frustrations galore.  And I also know that the Lord has been glorified in it all, for I know his glory in me. 

What I know now wasn't necessarily learned from my mom.  But just as the Lord taught her, He is teaching me.  Just as she had much to learn from Him, I am sitting in the same seat of the school of motherhood - her initials are there, written on His hands.  I know mine are there too.  Perhaps my own daughters will sit here as well and see the marks left by generations of moms who have followed the way of the Lord.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

I love you