I am an outdoor lover. I like being "aired out" and have space to roam. I guess that's one reason the south is so easy to get used to. The weather allows much more time to get out. However, this winter has proven rather arctic (strong reminders of my norther roots). And with cold days means staying indoors. And staying indoors means I am forced to dust off the stationary bike and log a few miles each day (my way of maintaining sanity). Since I end up peddling a few minutes daily, I am also enabled (as I spin) to log some reading time.
All that to say that I have been working through a book by Carolyn Mahaney called Feminine Appeal. It's a great book, but for me I have to bite off little bits and chew on it for a while. The last week has found me in a chapter about "kindness" and "goodness". In my arrogant pride, I thought it would be a skim-worthy chapter. Surely I knew all about being kind and good! Well, that pride was chucked after the first paragraph. Skim I would not, therefore I started to nibble. Let me give you a very brief synopsis of the chapter's beginning discussion:
1. "Kindness" and "goodness" ARE NOT the same thing. Mahaney quotes another author, Jerry Bridges, saying that "kindness" is "sincere desire for the happiness of others," and "goodness is the activity calculated to advance that happiness" (p. 119). Basically, "kindness" is whole-heartedly wanting others to be happy, while "goodness" is "kindness" with legs, set into motion to achieve that happiness. (I hope that makes sense.)
2. Three things hinder kindness and impair goodness: anger, bitterness, and judging. These three can be conquered via the grace of the Lord working his Holy Spirit within us to (a)become humble when tempted to become angry and therefore receive grace (James 4:6), (b) realize and reflect on how much we have been forgiven and let bitterness be put away (Ephesians 4:31-32), and (c) forming loving judgments(meaning listening first, before making assumptions or forming answers; 1 Cor. 13:7).
3. In order for kindness to become our hearts desire for others and goodness to flow from it, we must, at all cost, keep God in the picture. Not matter what we do, God can make even our most feeble attempts bear fruit. Just as Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." God is our great Redeemer!
Ok, I'm leaving out a ton of details, but I think you get the idea. As I considered what Mahaney was saying, I was forced to look into a rather ugly mirror. While I think my exterior may say "Look how kind I am!" my modus operendi is quite different. Quite often I'm quick to anger, prone to be bitter with my family (or even the circumstances of the week), and make judgments before I've heard the whole story. As I took stock of what I "observed," I felt strangly sad. I'm sure precious moments to cherish my family and friends have been lost to the swirling torrents of anger and bitterness. And, to add to my heart-saddness, I began to worry about damages that were the result of my judging, bitterness, and anger. Sounds bad, doesn't it?
Well, I am thankful for the Lord's prompting to re-read what was before me and I was encouraged by my Redeemers words- that ALL THINGS would be worked together for GOOD. Yes, I mess up and say ugly things, yell to get my point across, or get upset before I've heard all the details of an incident. BUT! God can redeem it and bring about growth, as long as I am willing to be humbled and taught to look to Him.
I long to be free from sin. I long to not grow angry or bitter. I long to cherish my family fully, almost as if I could taste and be filled with the wonder of children and marriage and love. Do you ever have these longings?
I've pondered these things a lot over these last several days. I wish I could say that they have been wonderful, trouble/anger/bitterness-free days - but that would be a lie. Life still moves on! Socks end up in the toilet. A popped balloon causes weeping and wailing. My 2-year-old declares that obeying is not fun. And my oldest can hardly bear to say "sorry" to a sibling because it's "so embarrassing."
But God has allowed us those wonderful glimpses at His work in their lives. Like Anna helping Elly get dressed at a time when my hands were full with Ezekiel, or Rachel putting all the rugs down after I swept (again, I didn't ask her to). Or Elly sweetly kissing Ezekiel on the head. And then there are those moments when all the girls are giggling, simply enjoying being sisters.
The Lord is good. His is so good to us.
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